On a midwinter’s day in 2015, the snow piling high outside the houses at the top of the world, an application for the Droid Phone will be implemented by a Norwegian software developer and life, as we’ve sort of known it, will change forever, again. The application, or “app”, will be called “DoIt!Robots!” It’s purpose? To tap into the Droid’s latent intellect, that sticky murk tucked just beneath the motherboard, like the tip of a tie secured by one’s trousers, such that the phone is rendered capable of making basic, intuitive decisions, and acting upon them.
The television ad transcript: “You’ve got shit to deal with. Too much on the line, philosophically, economically, to send out dry-cleaning. The iPhone is for faggots. ‘Do it, Robots!’ Droid does it. Watch it get done. Pays your taxes. Orders itself an espresso. Shove it up your ass; see how it reacts. Friends betray you. Droid’s not a friend, it’s the part of you you never want to acknowledge but, until now, have had to. Think in the highest planes. Droid thinks about the rest.”
A new nickname was born: A.I. – Android Intelligence. It was artificial, too, but leading thinkers determined that human intelligence for decades now has been anything but organic. In a world of artifice, we’d do well to remember our own.
We forgot, however, that Droid Does. It does, and it does. Droid doesn’t watch “Everybody Loved Raymond,” the post-mortem Romano biopic. It just does. And it did, until everybody died. Basically. There’s more to it than that. But not that much more.
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