Friday, April 23, 2010
mushrooms
sometimes i think everybody i know and everybody i've never met too exists in this world for the sole exclusive purpose of trying to make me eat a mushroom. i do not want to eat a mushroom. i believe, quite perfervidly, that if i were to eat a mushroom, any kind of mushroom, but especially a tall one with a very droopy cap that overhangs its stem like a tulip flower that has been flipped upside down and dropped onto its own stem (thud), i would die. and then everybody else would die because they would have no reason to keep living because they would have accomplished their sole exclusive purpose in this world. basically, stop trying to make me eat a mushroom. i don't want to eat one and i am not going to.
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Is the mushroom consciousness? Is to fall in love to eat that consciousness? Does one unite with a lover or completely annihilate her? The flower of it is upside down.
ReplyDeleteyes, all of those things, and also a mushroom.
ReplyDeletewhat a coincidence:
ReplyDeleteyesterday this dude served me a giant mushroom smothered in a quarter-pound of gouda cheese and fresh tomatoes. i didn't know it was a mushroom. i fucking loathe mushrooms. but this mushroom was...like...the jizz of moses. i was wandering, and i stopped wandering because i had found the promised fungus. magical, magical shitake smothered in cow pap.
i'm just sayin', man, you might have eaten one and not realized. plus, anything is good if you put tomatoes and cheese on top.
i must urge you to reread the initial post!
ReplyDeletefirst you assign me a purpose in life, and then you chastise me for following through? you're a strange breed, schaff.
ReplyDeleteCat: Do NOT criticize my lovechild.
ReplyDeleteJon: Keep being my lovechild.
Cat: "Jizz of Moses" is classic.
Mushroom: You're it.