Today's coverage of celebrity carnage brought to you by . . .

The new Heatseeking SmartPhone from DROID: "A GOUT-RIDDEN KNUCKLE OF DO IT"

AXE REVIVE: "Now with extract of an archangel's adrenal gland."

and finally, by your local combination Pizza-Hut-Taco-Bell-Siberian-Wormhole*: "Think outside the space-time continuum."

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Tune in later for more interdimensional coverage from the trenches.

*Thanks to David "I'm Not Ready to Be Famous" Munk for the heads up